No, your eyes do not deceive you. That is a ZERO star rating you are seeing for the film itself. The film in question is: The Human Centipede 3: Final Sequence. In this final installment of the grotesque series Dieter Laser returns as Bill Boss, a piece of sh*t prison warden who is running out of ideas to keep his prison and prisoners in check. His loyal right hand man, Dwight (Laurence P. Harvey) comes up with the grandest of all ideas to get the inmates to play ball, so to speak. Eric Roberts makes an appearance as the smug Governor of this nameless state in the United States. He makes no qualms or quarrels about his dislike of Boss and his ways but Boss’s prison does have a high rate of expenditures and that’s something the Governor cannot turn away from. It’s either shape up or ship out time for Bill Boss and company.
Okay, don’t let my pretty trite explanation of the film fool you. That was me trying to “clean it up” for you a bit. In reality Boss spends about an hour and forty minutes yelling, sometimes incoherently, at Dwight, the inmates, the prison doctor, Bree Olson (his lovely assistant), etc. Not only does he berate them all, but he also physically, sexually, and emotionally abuses everyone that gets in his way. No one is spared by Boss’ wrath.
This third and final installment takes place in a world where the first two films were actually films that Boss and Dwight were fans of. Dwight suggests that Boss make a 500-person centipede out of the inmates to cut down on costs. By having the inmates “linked” together in a centipede-like chain and kept alive via IV mineral-nutrient drips everyone will be happy. No more violence and no more illness. Sure, it all sounds good on paper but will it actually work?
The fact that we have to wait an excruciatingly long time to get to the centipede part does the film no favors. The abuse that Boss dishes out is neither funny nor does it move the plot forward. 99% of the time it’s an old man’s rants and that’s far from entertaining. It sucks too, because I actually liked the first film and thought Dieter Laser was quite scary in that film. He’s been reduced to a parody here and whether that’s the point or not is irrelevant. Laurence P. Harvey was in the second film and I had mixed views about that one, so when I heard that both actors would be involved I thought it could be something unique…or about as unique as you can get with a subject like this. I was severely let down since it doesn’t take place in the previous worlds that were already established.
I’d like to think that Tom Six is a better filmmaker than Uwe Boll, because his first film was quite alright but this Final Sequence is such a misfire that quite frankly it could be a career killer. As far as film craftsmanship, though, The Human Centipede 3 is more than capable to stand on its own. The special make-up effects are quite realistic and gory, so there’s that, but Boss is so distracting that it’s all for naught. There’s no way I could say that you could leave your brain at the door in order to enjoy this film, because try as you may, it’s impossible. The Human Centipede 3: Final Sequence is the worst film of the year.
Color me shocked, but the transfer on this Blu-ray is downright phenomenal. I did not spot any anomalies, with the exception of a cheesy pixelated shot of some barbed wire, with the sky in the background. I think that was done on purpose and is not part of the overall look of the film. They seem to have shot the film out in the middle of nowhere and it shows. The sand and dirt have a lovely golden hue and it looks like you can actually swim in the sky, if that makes sense. DNR is nowhere to be found and the color palette is outstanding. Contrast and sharpness levels are normal and I did not pick up on any dirt, artifacts, or other anomalies that could have been peppered in there. I’m floored to say that this video presentation is of reference caliber!
Wow, that’s me doing a double take. First the video quality is of reference standard and now the audio quality is, too? Say it isn’t so. It is. The Human Centipede 3 is presented in an extremely robust DTS-HD Master Audio 5.1 (48kHz/24-bit) lossless surround soundtrack. What it lacks in subtly it more than makes up for in aggression. Dialogue is crystal clear – let me clarify that – SHOUTING is crystal clear. The rear (pardon the pun) channels handle ambience and any of the inmates running about in the hallways and corridors. It’s a really well-balanced and mixed soundtrack; I was quite shocked. Give the audio engineers an award!
Included on this Blu-ray release is an alternate ending that would have made this film less horrid. Why they decided not to include it as the official one is beyond me. I would rather watch this alternate ending over and over instead of the actual film. A detailed and entertaining featurette is also included. At least everyone had a great time filming it. Both special features are presented in high-definition.
- Alternate Ending (HD)
- The Making of The Human Centipede 3 (HD)
The Final Assessment
As much as I like pointless films with blood and gore there’s really nothing to like about The Human Centipede 3. I guess I am glad that it’s finally over and what was originally started as a semi-unique premise has been squashed. The only good news on the Blu-ray front is that the video and audio quality are reference and the limited special features are actually more entertaining than the film will ever hope to be. The Human Centipede 3 — Final Sequence is a piece of crap.
The Human Centipede 3 is out on Blu-ray 23 July 2015 from Monster Pictures UK
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